Anna's Top Travel Tips
- HOW TO SURVIVE TRAVEL BOREDOM If you value your life, don't say a) are we there yet, b) this is boring, or c) I want to go home. If your batteries in your device run out you can a) read an actual book, b) look at the view, or c) participate in witty conversation (that's what my dad says anyway. He also says that 'so-called humorous comments are not always appreciated by the victim.)
- SURVIVING TRAVEL BOREDOM part 2 Find a tourist brochure, get a pen, and a) add moustaches to all the faces, or b) change the words. For example:
Sand beaches, stretching for miles, are sandwiched... with peanut butter
Hiking, Biking... and Viking.
You can wander for hours... without knowing where you're going.
Hire equipment... for a night away on Mars.
- SURVIVING TRAVEL BOREDOM part 3. Play spotto for weird signs. The best one I ever saw was for a Toad Road. Seriously.
- MAPS Some tourist maps have nice pictures, some are colour coded and some have ads around the outside. But they all have little numbered squares or circles, and a list to tell you what the numbers mean. For example:
1. Statue of Seriously Famous Man with a Big Nose
2. Ancient Church
3. Bloodthirsty Battle site
4. Excellent Cafe
5. Stupendous Art Museum
6. Statue of a Big Man with a Seriously Famous Nose
Make sure the map is the right way up, make sure you are the right way up, work out where you are, work out where you are going, join the dots and start moving. Easy, peesy. Ha, ha, ha.
- PRESENTS Only buy Perfectly Packable or Possibly Postable presents. Otherwise you'll never bet your bag zipped up for the trip home, and you'll have to buy a gigantic suitcase belt at the airport. T-shirts and magnets are good, or for old people, I suggest tea-towels.
- Ignore the last tip. Only buy interesting presents, like handicrafts in Scandinavia, scarves in Paris, glass ornaments in Venice, and Christmas decorations in Germany. Use your incredible packing skills and imagination to get it all home. My grandfather once packed a samovar in his backpack.
- SNOW You can't make snowballs below minus 10 degrees Celcius. Snowflakes need to melt a little to stick together. On the good side, when it's this cold you don't actually need waterproof shoes, just very, very warm ones.